As The World Burns, U.S. Gov’t Stands Tall: Terrorism Reigns, but Online Gaming Is Targeted

Some people might be concerned that our government has its hands full dealing with anarchy and terrorism, in a world dotted with crises such as the war between Hezbollah and Israel, the insurgency that has derailed stability in Iraq, North Korea’s saber-rattling vis-à-vis its nuclear program, and Iran’s aggressive determination to join the nuclear crowd, despite the rest of the world’s negative opinion.

Such concerns would be an absolute lack of faith in the pinheads who run this country. While they have tried mightily, only to find failure, in imposing their will on principals in all the hot spots across the globe, George W. Bush has an infallible fall-back position. Call it Plan B, which is what we get from an administration that holds up its hand when the word bungle is called out.

Uncle Sam is not the least bit deterred by all the bombs and other explosives that are wreaking havoc on civilization. No siree. Amidst all the death, carnage and threats to the existence of the U.S., Dubya is making the world safe for democracy by rounding up and arresting corporate gaming executives.

If we can’t track down Bin Laden, if Al Qaeda continues to plot our destruction, and if Hezbollah and Israel have ignited what could be the spark to set off even bigger explosions than what we have already seen, big deal. Let’s keep our priorities straight.

The U.S. government is heroically protecting our best interests by cracking down on Internet sportsbooks and casinos, which are allegedly guilty of “racketeering, conspiracy and fraud.” These intrepid apparatchiks are exercising both wisdom and patriotism by ignoring all other obvious threats to the safety and security of this country. They know lack of complaints by the citizenry concerning the proliferation of Internet gaming merely indicates sloth and indolence.

When people are too stupid or lazy to complain about something that is destroying the fabric of their society, a responsible government takes matters into its own hands. The watchdogs have spoken: terrorism be damned. Uncle Sam knows the real bad guys are the ones who corrupt the Internet by taking bets online

Bush’s astute understanding of history is awe-inspiring. Harkening back to the glorious success that was Prohibition, and using it as a guideline to ensure similar achievement in deterring people from betting online … this is the level of brilliance one associates with Dubya’s command of the office he holds.

Meanwhile, as our nation suffers one indignity after another, while it is under siege from well-armed fanatics who think America is nothing but a bunch of infidels who need to be exterminated, we can take comfort in knowing Big Brother has our back.

And with one crisis morphing into another, and the world growing more dangerous as the lights go out across the planet, it is comforting to know that we are at least protected from unthinkable horrors associated with Internet gambling.

Of course, it is not simply global warfare that our government chooses to put on the back burner, in favor of smashing Internet wagering. Whether it is derailing efforts to fund science that could find cures for debilitating diseases, by outlawing stem cell research, or making sure that attempts to fight global warming are thwarted in favor of big business, Dubya and his billionaire brain trust — who represent the world’s fattest cats — are consistent in their allegiance to the cause.

Their constituencies of religious fanatics are delighted with his performance, and are happy campers. Of course, if you turn them inside out, they are cut from the same cloth as the people of faith who believe their reward for being terrorists in this life is to have 17 virgins at their beck and call in the next life.

Some die-hard supporters of Mr. 33 Percent might argue that he can indeed chew gum and talk at the same time – meaning that the U.S. can effectively fight the war on terrorism concurrently with the war on Internet gambling. Such policy, of course, is rooted in “The Twilight Zone.”

So, as this administration directs its vast resources to the noble task of scouring the countryside for corporate executives who have the audacity to provide gamblers with websites on which to commit the worst kind of perfidy — to gamble — let’s give the proper response to such inspired leadership.

As they stand for reelection in order to perpetuate the record of which they are so proud, let us go to the ballot boxes and see that they get their just rewards.

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